Thoughts for the day

War survivors, cancer survivors, old age survivors, all of us patiently waiting... I keep wondering what for? Lately, it all seemed pretty useless.  Why get up? All right, I gotta pee. But other than that? Don't even want to eat, or shower. Kept wondering why everywhere I went it smelled so bad. The Viet Nam era vet with all his ribbons and patches proudly displayed on his hat must have an answer. Forgot to ask him. The cancer survivor now discovering another part of his body is betraying him... What the fuck are we waiting for? Everyone in that waiting room had already lived their life, what were we waiting for? I mean in a big picture sort of way. Its all down hill from here. Told the receptionist "don't get old". She says allot of the patients say that. I refrased: no, do get old, just enjoy life when your young, make the most out of it.

For me I got very little to look forward to. Sure I got financial struggles, Days filled with nothing to do, no one to talk to except bill collectors. They are heartless. Whenever I start telling them about my plight, they go right back to the script. Mr. Aros, if you don't make a payment immediately... yada, yada. "But I've got no food in my refrigerator and..."; "then you won't mind if we turn off your electricity". Heartless. And they're young. I used to think if I woke up in the morning it was a good day. Now... Its just another day slogging through shit I don't feel much like slogging through. I realize it's just as easy to take on the challenge as it is to have none, but what if you just don't care? Either way. What am I waiting for? To get out of debt? Woo hoo, then what? I don't even have an interest in buying a lottery ticket. What if I won? I'm sitting here with a dog that's not even mine. She's anxious. I can tell. She wants to go do something. Me? I wanna go do nothing. There you have it. I'd really like to take her for a walk, but its 200 degrees out there and I couldn't walk from here to the corner on a good day. So I stay here writing this little ditty thinking..."at least it's something"... yeah, interference with my space out time. I feel bad about leaving the dog alone. I have no problem being alone. Just wondering what the fuck am I waiting for?